i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
