i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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