That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
