God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize