what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
