Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
