I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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