ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
