apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
