all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize