I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
