I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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