I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I cannot find my penis.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
