I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
