The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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