I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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