Pappa wants mamma naked
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
