He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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