I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
My vagina just recognized that song.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
