how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
