he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
