He is such a slut. More and more my type.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize