her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize