my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
