you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
