and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
