You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
