How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
