carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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