dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
