I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
