there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
