She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize