I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize