So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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