what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
