he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
did i walk over a car last night?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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