apparently the secret to your success is patron
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
