What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
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