It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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