There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
