shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize