I got chris browned last night
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
