If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
