Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
