I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize
