so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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