I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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