Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
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