Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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