you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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