i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
