I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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