you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
