i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize