I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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