Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
