he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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