I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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