Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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