I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
