Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
