The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
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