i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I accidentally burped into my bong.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
