my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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