you didnt know i had herpes?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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