I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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