Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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