Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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