I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize