last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
