When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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