probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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