Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
