I wanna bring you to show and tell
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize